I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
