how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
