the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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