but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
