On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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