My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
