haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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