i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
