This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
