I'm so fucking centered right now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
