YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
