So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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