its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
