Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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