The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
