Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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