I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
