im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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