Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
