I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
