haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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