I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
