hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
