I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
