Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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