you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
