I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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