Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
