sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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