Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
