I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
