You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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