soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
