1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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