He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
