Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
