these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
