sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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