We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
