i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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