Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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