The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
two words: eviction party
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
