what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
