I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
