If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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