i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
