I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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