She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
