I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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