Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
