It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
