cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
