i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
