That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
