new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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