He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
