i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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