I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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