Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
