Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
