What did we do last night that was yellow?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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