just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
