I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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