God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
