im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
