and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
