I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
