Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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